“What Does It Mean To Be Non-Binary? Your Questions Answered.” I Be The Transformational
- Morgan Messick
- 3 days ago
- 4 min read
Gender isn’t always as simple as “man” or “woman.” Some people identify with aspects of both, some don’t fit either category, and some experience their gender in ways that shift over time.
These identities exist outside the traditional gender binary, and the term non-binary is used to describe them.
Now that we’ve set the stage, let’s dive into what non-binary means, how it connects to other gender identities, and some practical ways you can show respect and support.
What Does Non-Binary Mean?
At its core, the term non-binary describes anyone whose gender identity exists outside the traditional categories of “man” and “woman.”
Non-binary is also an umbrella term. Under it, you’ll find identities like genderqueer, genderfluid, agender, and bigender. Each describes a unique relationship with gender, but all share one thing: they exist beyond the binary.
Curious to explore even more terms and what they mean? Check out the PFLAG glossary of LGBTQIA+ identities.
Gender identity is personal and isn’t determined by appearance, clothing, or sex assigned at birth — it’s about self-understanding. Respect begins with listening and using the pronouns people share.
Using Pronouns Respectfully
Pronouns are one of the most common questions about non-binary identity.
Many non-binary people use they/them pronouns, but some use he/him, she/her, a combination like she/they or he/they, or even neopronouns like ze/zir or xe/xem.
The only way to know is to ask respectfully or pay attention when someone shares their pronouns. Simple, respectful questions work:
“What pronouns do you use?”
“How would you like me to refer to you?”
Using correct pronouns shows that you see someone as they truly are. Getting it wrong occasionally is normal, but how you respond matters much more than the mistake itself.
Quick Guide to They/Them Pronouns
Subject: “They went to the store.”
Object: “I saw them yesterday.”
Possessive: “That’s their book.”
Reflexive: “They did it themselves.”
Practice helps make this feel natural. Using correct pronouns consistently is one of the simplest ways to show respect.
Non-Binary vs. Transgender: Understanding the Difference
Non-binary and transgender are related but not identical.
Transgender is an umbrella term for anyone whose gender identity differs from the sex assigned at birth. By that definition, many non-binary people are also transgender, but not everyone uses that label.
Gender Expression vs. Identity
Gender expression — how someone presents themselves — doesn’t define gender identity. A non-binary person might wear dresses and makeup, have a beard and flannel, or present in ways that shift day to day. None of this determines who they are.
Making assumptions based on appearance is unreliable. The only way to know someone’s gender identity is if they tell you. That’s why listening and respecting self-identification matters more than guessing.
A Historical Perspective on Gender Diversity
Non-binary identities have existed across many cultures throughout history:
Indigenous North American communities recognize Two-Spirit identities.
In South Asia, the Hijra community has a history spanning thousands of years.
In Mexico, Muxe identities are well-established.
What’s changed is language and visibility. Terms like “non-binary” and “genderqueer” have gained recognition only in recent decades, allowing more people to describe themselves safely and openly.
According to recent research, over 2 million adults and youth in the U.S. identify as transgender, and more than 30% of them identify as non-binary. This isn’t a trend — it’s people finally having the words to describe who they have always been.
How to Handle Pronoun Mistakes
Mistakes happen. Using the wrong pronouns is normal if you’re learning, but handling it well makes all the difference:
Three-step approach:
Apologize briefly. “Sorry” or “my mistake” is enough.
Correct yourself. “Sorry — they are coming to the meeting.”
Move on. Avoid over-apologizing or centering your discomfort.
Practice makes it easier, and it’s important to talk about the person using correct pronouns, even when they’re not around. Small, consistent effort signals respect.
Resources for Learning More
Learning about non-binary experiences isn’t a one-time thing — it’s an ongoing journey. The best way to grow? Listen to non-binary voices, read their stories, and see the world through their perspective. Here are a few trusted places to start:
Understanding Nonbinary People — National Center for Transgender Equality
Transgender and Non-Binary FAQ — Human Rights Campaign
For broader context on gender and inclusion, read Gender 101: How to Talk About Identity Respectfully (Without Overthinking It)
The Bottom Line
Being non-binary means existing outside the narrow boxes of “male” and “female” and defining your own relationship with gender.
For those of us who aren’t non-binary, it means showing up with curiosity, support, and respect: using the right pronouns, listening without judgment, and correcting mistakes without making it about ourselves.
Next steps you can take:
Share this post with someone who might find it helpful.
Practice using they/them pronouns.
Visit the resource listed above to learn more.
By understanding and respecting non-binary people, and all gender identities, we can create a world where everyone has the space to be themselves.
Together, we can build real, meaningful, transformational change.
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